The Devil Made Me Do It

I have been told that I have the devil in my eyes.  I don't exactly know what that means but occasionally the devil comes around and causes mischief.  Here is a brief countdown of "his" doings:

5)  While Gretchen and I were dating I placed a huge crawdad in a shoebox and placed it on my bed.  I knew she would be too nosy not to open it .  I couldn't wait to hear her scream and start running.  She never opened the box.  Funny but failed.

4) I was once at a friends house and his mom was watching TV.  I happened to secretly find a second remote so I changed the channel.  Everytime she attempted to flip back to the correct channel I would make it go one channel further.  She didn't understand what was happening and was getting worked up.   If I could have kept from laughing it could have gone on all night.

3)  Once time as a teenager, I answered the phone.  The girl on the line asked for "Shawn," well my twin brother wasn't home so I said "This is Shawn."  Needless to say, we went on to have a very interesting conversation.  I know you're dying to find who she was but I ain't saying.

2)  One of the times that I spent the night at TJ's, we decided to go for a late night walk.  I don't know why but we did.  Anyway, we got the bright idea to start taking the real estate for sales signs and moving them to other yards.  I have always wondered how many calls the Realtors received about these bogus properties.

1)  One night, TJ and snuck into a hotel's swimming facility.  We really just wanted to sit in the jacuzzi. (no that's not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that) Anyway, the jacuzzi was packed with old women.  After waiting for an eternity (probably 5 minutes) I came up with an idea.  So, we got into the tub with the ladies and after about a minute I whisper (loudly) to TJ, "I should have peed before I got in".  And with that I made a thoughtful face followed by a face of relief.  No I didn't pee but those ladies sure thought I did and they quickly got out  and we had the jacuzzi all to ourselves.

Those were things that he made me do.  The next countdown is a list of things he tries to make me do but I resist:

5) In a nice quiet restaurant,  act like I have turrets and start shouting obscenities while ordering.

4)  During a church service, get moved by the Holy Spirit and act like I have turrets and really speak in some tongue.

3)  Say things like "gracias" and "por favor" to the waitress at a CHINESE restaraunt.

2)  On an airplane, cut the bottom out of the barf bags.  I would never see the end result but some poor sucker would barf all over his shoes.

1) While at pharmacies, when an elderly person is having their blood pressure done at one of those sit down automatic stations, sneak up behind them and scream RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.  As their sitting their filling their depends you can watch how high those digital numbers can go.

And you all think you know me..........