Mocking Mocks

So "Jordan" and I have been waisting our time doing research for our upcoming fantasy baseball draft.  I know "fantasy baseball."  It's okay I feel the same way.  The last time I tried it was about 15 years ago and I made it to mid June before I was done.  This time, it's more of a competition between "Jordan" and myself. (no more quote marks, you get it's not his real name, I hope).

Now by research, what I mean is that we do mock drafts.  Basically they are fake drafts.  People do them different reasons:  see where players may fall, see what players are valued by others etc...

Jordan and I do it those reasons but more than that we do it to talk smack to others mockees.  Some people take this shit way to seriously.  The following are some of the quotes that have the some of the aforementioned mockees a little upset and some down right after our necks.

Ryan Braun is our favorite target.  Braun has been mentioned in PED discussions and Jordan and I have been all over him.

Jordan starts it off by naming his team "Braun's Back Pimples" ( a symptom of steroids)  Then:

Me:  He deserves a 50 game vaca.
J:  Make it 75.
Me:  Yeah, 75 games. One for each whitehead.
J: Once he is clean, his batting average is going to go down faster than Miss Teen Delaware.

About this time, others start to make comments as to our intent.   We ignore them.

Me:  I heard he has more whiteheads than a Klan rally.
J:  Yup, he's not allowed to take his shirt anymore unless he's in Mississippi.
Me:  I heard one whitehead was as big as Barry Bonds' head.
J:  I heard that when they popped it Mark McGwire fell out.

Now at this point we are either being called @#$%$%^%$ idiots ( ESPN blocks all curse words) or we are being ignored.

J:  Tough crowd
Me:  Yeah, I've seen less stiffs at a Viagra convention.
Me:  I heard Braun wanted to be in Milwaukee's sausage race but since he shrank his he was DQ'd.
J:  Yup, that Vienna sausage wouldn't have faired well anyway.
Me:  Braun is so dirty that he had Lance Armstrong pee for him.

More name calling follows. Some people drop out of the draft.

We move on to Oscar Pistorius  "The Blade Runner"

J:  I wonder if the Blade Runner's case has any legs.
Me:  I don't know.  I heard he was knee deep in blood.
J:  That's the most interesting thing that ever happened to a cricket bat.
Me:  Yup, she shouldn't have bought him Valentine's Day socks.

And with that, a full verbal assault has now commenced.

Now we don't spend all of our time ripping people.  We'll spend a good amount of time on quoting random baseball movies.  I figure most people don't get it or us but normally I'm wiping tears from my eyes because of laughing so hard.  It's just another competition to one up the other.  The above is just a small sampling.  Any day I expect an cease and desist from ESPN but none has come as of yet.