Have You Ever Wanted to Punch Your Grandma in the Stomach?

"Have You Ever Wanted to Punch Your Grandma in the Stomach?"  I know you're asking "What the hell is he talking about?"   Well, when I was in college, that question was carved into the desk in front of me.  I have never wanted to punch my grandma but what would cause a person to ponder such an idea has always intrigued me.  What would drive someone to punch their grandma in the stomach?  I have thought about it and I come up with my top five three reasons to punch your grandma in the stomach.

When I think of my Grandma Alice, I think of Sundays and Fried chicken, mashed potatoes and fresh picked green beans.  With that, I give you

Scenario 1:

1) You:  Grandma, I can't wait to have your fried chicken today! 
    G'ma: Oh, I decided to cook healthy for you.  We're having baked tofu! 
    You:  Oh, you really shouldn't have done that...(BLAMMMMO!, a right to the gut)

Thinking of my Grandma Clara, I remember the time when she allegedly gave a used empty renuzit as a gift because she thought it was a robot and the time she allegedly gave a box of maxi-pads as a gift.

Scenario 2:

2)  G'ma:  Happy Birthday.  I had you tickets to Led Zepplin: One Night Only on hold but I thought    what better gift than naming a star after you.
      You: You had tickets to Led Zepplin?  3 originals and a son?  And yyyyyyyou opted for a star?  That's wonderful ( KABLOOEY! a left to the sternum.)

Scenario 3:

3)  You:  Grandma, you put 3Gs on the Redskins +5 and they got thrashed 42 to zip.  Time to pay up.
      G'ma:  You know I don't have that laying around.
      You:  That's very un.......(POW! BOOM!  a left and a right to mid-section.)..fornuate



PS:  I meant to come up with 5 but I could only conjure up 3.  I hope they both forgive me.  Any thoughts or scenarios?  Put them in comments section.