Monday, February 20, 2012

Exclusive Seamus Romney Interview

Here at In Shane's Brain, I am not just fluff and stuff.  I occasionally ask the hard hitting questions.  Today I am proud to present the exclusive Seamus Romney interview.  The following is unedited and uncut.  Reader discretion is advised.

ISB:  Seamus, welcome to my brain.
Seamus:  Nice to be here.
ISB:  Let's get right to it.  What kind of name is Mitt?
Seamus:  More original that naming an Irish Setter Seamus.
ISB:  Fair enough.  What is Mitt Romney ....Will you quit sniffin' my ass?
Seamus:  Sorry.  You kind of remind me of this bitch back in Gloucester. He-he
ISB:  Yeah, just keep it over there Sparky.  How old are you anyway?
Seamus: Like 210 in dog years.
ISB:  What is it like being a governor's dog?
Seamus: Freakin' T-bones every night.  Secret Service always hookin' me with poodles and cockers.  Ya know rock star shit.
ISB: What can you tell us about the infamous trip to Canada?
Seamus: Me and the fam went Canada.
ISB:  What about the seating arrangements during the trip?  Rumor has it that you were strapped to the woof... er I mean roof.
Seamus:  You're a real asshole.
ISB:  Yeah, so I've been told.  Were you strapped to the roof of Mitt Romney's car?
Seamus:  Well, technically the dog carrier was strapped to the roof but I was in the carrier.
ISB:  Did you enjoy your voyage?
Seamus:  Well, at first it was cool.  I had my own space, fresh air, and those bratty-ass kids were no where around me.  I mean it was much better arrangements than that dog from Vacation had.
ISB:  You say "at first".  When did trip turn bad?
Seamus:  When that jackass jumped on the freeway.  I'm not sure how fast he was going, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't legal.
ISB:  The latest reports say that you developed diarrhea during the ride.
Seamus:  Was that a question?
ISB:  Were you battling diarrhea?
Seamus:  Next question.
ISB:  The people demand an answer.
Seamus:  What do you want to hear?
ISB:  The truth.
Seamus: ehhhh. I was scared.
ISB:  I think you are stalling.
Seamus:   Alright!  I shit all over myself.  All over my cage.  I had shit everywhere.  I'm pretty sure I squirted though the holes of the kennel and on to the cars behind us.
ISB:  That's disgusting.
Seamus:  I know, people all over Mitt for putting me up there.
ISB:  No, I'm talking about messing yourself. 
ISB:  Seamus, dogs have been known to eat their feces.  Did you partake in this ritual during this particular ride.
Seamus:  You're really sick.
ISB  Yeah, I've been told that too.  What did I mean Mitt do to make this up to you?
Seamus:  Nothing!  As a matter of fact he shipped me off to a farm just to hush me up.

At this point Seamus broke down and left room. But not before pissing on three walls.


  1. Wow....did uncle Mike send you a package in the mail?