Here at In Shane's Brain, I am not just fluff and stuff. I occasionally ask the hard hitting questions. Today I am proud to present the exclusive Seamus Romney interview. The following is unedited and uncut. Reader discretion is advised.
ISB: Seamus, welcome to my brain.
Seamus: Nice to be here.
ISB: Let's get right to it. What kind of name is Mitt?
Seamus: More original that naming an Irish Setter Seamus.
ISB: Fair enough. What is Mitt Romney ....Will you quit sniffin' my ass?
Seamus: Sorry. You kind of remind me of this bitch back in Gloucester. He-he
ISB: Yeah, just keep it over there Sparky. How old are you anyway?
Seamus: Like 210 in dog years.
ISB: What is it like being a governor's dog?
Seamus: Freakin' T-bones every night. Secret Service always hookin' me with poodles and cockers. Ya know rock star shit.
ISB: What can you tell us about the infamous trip to Canada?
Seamus: Me and the fam went Canada.
ISB: What about the seating arrangements during the trip? Rumor has it that you were strapped to the woof... er I mean roof.
Seamus: You're a real asshole.
ISB: Yeah, so I've been told. Were you strapped to the roof of Mitt Romney's car?
Seamus: Well, technically the dog carrier was strapped to the roof but I was in the carrier.
ISB: Did you enjoy your voyage?
Seamus: Well, at first it was cool. I had my own space, fresh air, and those bratty-ass kids were no where around me. I mean it was much better arrangements than that dog from Vacation had.
ISB: You say "at first". When did trip turn bad?
Seamus: When that jackass jumped on the freeway. I'm not sure how fast he was going, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't legal.
ISB: The latest reports say that you developed diarrhea during the ride.
Seamus: Was that a question?
ISB: Were you battling diarrhea?
Seamus: Next question.
ISB: The people demand an answer.
Seamus: What do you want to hear?
ISB: The truth.
Seamus: ehhhh. I was scared.
ISB: I think you are stalling.
Seamus: Alright! I shit all over myself. All over my cage. I had shit everywhere. I'm pretty sure I squirted though the holes of the kennel and on to the cars behind us.
ISB: That's disgusting.
Seamus: I know, people all over Mitt for putting me up there.
ISB: No, I'm talking about messing yourself.
ISB: Seamus, dogs have been known to eat their feces. Did you partake in this ritual during this particular ride.
Seamus: You're really sick.
ISB Yeah, I've been told that too. What did Mutt..er I mean Mitt do to make this up to you?
Seamus: Nothing! As a matter of fact he shipped me off to a farm just to hush me up.
At this point Seamus broke down and left room. But not before pissing on three walls.