Monday, February 27, 2012

I Was Attacked By a Killer Bee (For Real)

So after blogging today I did some landscaping or as some say "mowed the grass."  Now for my northern friends, down south we have these things called "fire ants".  They like to bite you and the bites itch for weeks.  I bought some ant spray that kills the colony.  Okay here is where I stepped into the "Twilight Zone".  I mow over two ant hills.   Then I get the ant spray and I spray the first hill.  I know mean right.  I don't care, I hate the little bastards.  Next, I start dousing the second hill.  I couldn't see it but a bee started buzzing.  I started swatting at him.  Then he starts dive bombing me.  I don't know how insects antennae and communication work but he seemed pretty pissed that I was picking on these ants.  My arms are just a swingin' because this bee is relentless.  He then disappears but I can hear him.  It somehow occurs to me that he's on my hat and I flip my hat off.  There he was, either stinging the crap out of my bill of hat repeatedly or doing his best dog humping a leg impression.  Over and over and over.  I try to kick him off onto the ground but I whiffed.  Now he is really pissed.  He comes after me and I start swinging again.  I then take off running into the house.  Umm new problem.  I can still hear his buzzing!!  I rip off my shirt and there he is on the back of it.  (You can't make this stuff up)  I kind of shake my shirt and he flies off.  I have no idea where he was.  I get a flyswatter but I never see him to swat him.  I go back outside to finish the lawn.  As I'm mowing I discover two other ant hills.  I get my spray once more first a small hill and then the larger hill.  And I'll be damned if the bee/hornet thing was back after my ass.  Back inside I run.  Yup, you guessed that bastard is on my shirt again.  I rip it off again ( control yourself ladies)  shake it and grab the flyswatter.  We then start to battle: he and his aerial assault and me and my anti-air defense. He dive bombs me a couple times as I whiff at him. Finally he lands on a wall.  I get my first chance to end this for good.  Nope.  Not quick enough.  After flying around he lands on the kitchen light and with one swing, it was over.  "Take that Bitch!" I yell in celebration.  I scooped him up with the flyswatter to get a look at my dead foe.  He look like a bee except where you expect to see yellow it was orange.  Anyway, I won.

Every detail in this story is true.  All I can figure is that whatever insects do to talk to one another, this bee pick up on their terror and came in to help.  Call me crazy if you want, but that is the way it went down.

Blame it on the Barbie Orgy

Lots of shorts today.  Hey, if  Lots of Shorts Today was the title, you wouldn't be reading this right now.  But I will get to the Barbies, ya sickos.

Are you Going to Blog About This?
I get this question all time.  Or the it's the directive "you should blog about this."  I just want to say "Hey, shut up."  but I don't.  I'm too nice for that.  I give the usual answer of "Maybe."    If it's such a great topic to blog about then you do it.  I have people that ask me about how to start a blog.  I tell them my story.  "I googled 'How to start a blog?' and it took me to blogger.  I created my blog and was blogging in about 10 minutes."  It took me 5 years to google because I figured it was too hard.  I'm not as smart as people think I am.  Yes, I am good with numbers and I can calculate shit in my head, but so could Rainman.  I can remember stuff too. That's why I was good at history, well that and I enjoyed it. (Thank you, Mr. Crane)  Anyway, I can never really answer the aforementioned question.  I don't know what I am going to blog until I sit down.  Even then, there are a lot of blank stares into a blank computer screen.  So, am I going to blog about this?  I DON'T KNOW, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!  ahh that felt good.  Oh yeah, you with the smirk, tongue in cheek, yeah you.  You like to joke about my blog but you've never read it.  Okay here's the real truth.  You suffer from a Napoleon complex.  You spend most of your day licking boots, part of it in a gym and the rest trying to pull everyone down to your level, all because you don't like yourself.  Sorry.  God dealt you that hand.  It's up to you how you play it and right now you're losing.

Gracie Morgan's Day Off
You all know from my last blog that I'm really am a softy on the inside.  So when Gracie found out that I had the day off she wanted to know if I would pick her up early.  I told her if she was good.  (don't judge, I wanted a peaceful night)  This morning, as I lie in bed being lazy, she comes in and wants to know if she can stay home with me.  "You said if I was good."  "I said I would pick you up early."  Silence.  She then ask in different ways, I keep dancing around trying not to answer.  I doze off.  I awake to an on going orgy of barbie dolls.  About five naked "chicks" me and some other "dude" who has no clothes on either.  I'm not quite sure what taken place while as was sleeping but when I awoke everyone was resting.  ["I think I was tucked" (Seinfeld reference)]
 After this experience, how could I pass on a whole day of In Gracie's Brain.  I know, I know, she's got me wrapped around her pinkie but the day started with 5 naked chicks, I 'm gonna ride this train 'til the end.

The 29 Day Challenge is Coming to an End
It's been an interesting month.  I have had plenty to blog about and I have missed a couple of days.  Time is an issue.  I have strange schedule and blogging doesn't always fit into it.  I think I have accomplished the mission of my blog, To make you laugh, cry or think.  Going forward, the daily blogs will end. I'm not sure what my posting schedule will be, it will probably be as random as my brain.  I think you will see more of my creative side. It is hard to throw yourself out there and hear nothing but crickets. I'm still not sure how the interview with Mitt Romney's dog was received. (I pouted for couple of days)  I did however, get to witness two people read it and laugh uncontrollably, making me laugh at it all over again.  That was good because I thought I may have to dress in a devil's costume drink gasoline, nitroglycerin, gun powder and Uranium 238.

(Pheew) I thought about doing more interviews but I don't want to become one of those SNL skits where you say "Oh no, not his again." We will see.  I think "Bitchy Shane" will return at some point.  He's dying to get out but for now I will keep him kenneled.(just not atop a car).  Thanks for reading. If this is your first time in my brain look around.  There is plenty of good stuff to look at.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Somebody, Please Hit Pause Button

For over five years Gracie and I have had our own routine.  First it was taking her her to Ginger's daycare.  We did that for a couple of years. Then when she was old enough, I would walk (or carry) her down the street to Summersville Grade School for Pre-K.  That lasted a year. Then we moved to Louisiana.  My job didn't start for a couple of weeks so I was home with her and we would watch TV together.  Later, I began taking to daycare again.  Then we moved again and changed daycares.  We have this game where we squeeze each other's knee and laugh.  Now, we are about 3 months from daycare ending.  Yes, I am going to enjoy the extra $500 a month. But I'm losing my little girl.  She'll be riding the bus next year, going to big girl school.
It's funny when people say raising girls is different.  You would think that it wasn't but it is.  Little girls are so different.  Gracie is a lot like her mother.  She is very naturing.  Noah and Jonah are like me, "rub some dirt on it and let's get going."  The boys never come and sat on my lap to watch TV or just because they want to. Gracie is always sitting with me.  A very loving feeling that I truly enjoy.  Of course I love my boys, as well.  But as a father, there is a certain need to protect his daughter and to teach his sons how to protect. If you have daughters you will understand.

I still have a few months to squeeze knees, talk about ponies and Katie Perry, hold hands walking into daycare and get a good-bye kiss.  All of which I will truly miss.  It is probably a little selfish of me to want to hit the pause button to savour these last days.  It would be unfair of me to not let her enjoy her years to come. Yes, I will enjoy watching her grow but I know my heart will always yearn for our Gracie and daddy time.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Albert Dons The Scarlet Letter

My Albert Pujols inspired rant on Facebook on 2/9/2011, beget ISB.  And now, a year later plus some, I once again address my disdain.

Albert Pujols MLB career began because of an injury to Bobby Bonilla. Thus, beginning, the most productive first 11 years in baseball.  Many thought he would be with the St. Louis Cardinals for his entire career.  Phat chance.  Albert thumbed his nose at $200 million and heart broke millions of Cardinal fans.  Instead, he opted for $260 million and sunny California.  The deal itself is ludicrous but I will get to that. 

I am a baseball purist.  I hate the designated hitter. I hate the fact that sushi and Jager bombs have replaced hot dogs and beer.  I hate that baseball has whored itself out so much that it is no longer respected as a sport.  I hate the fact that the clubhouse has had more needles in it than a acupuncturist office.  I could write a book of how baseball killed iteslf and maybe I will but for now back to Mr Pooh-holes.

The deal:  $260 million over 10 years.  He gets about $12 million this coming season.  That's nort alot in baseball money.  But his last year when he will be 42 (supposedly) he will make $30 million.  It will most likely be his least productive but he make the most.  That's absurd.  Sports writers were saying that even if his production went down the Cardinals needed to pay Pujols more money because they underpaid him before.  HUH?  Yeah, you go to your boss tomorrow and tell him or her, "Even though my production is going to wain in the coming years,  I'm going to need a lot more money because you underpaid."  About the only thing you will get will be a box to put your crap in to carry to your car.  Anyway, for last 5 years of his career, he will probably DH.  He will sit on the bench until its his turn to bat.  He will bat 4 or 5 times a game.  So let's see, 5 a bats times 162 games equals 810 at bats.  30,000,000 divided by 810 equals $37037 per at bat.  More than a lot of people make in  a year.  I don't blame him for taking more money.  Most people would take more money.  I do blame the fans for paying ridiculous ballpark prices.   

So now Albert dons the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim cap.  (his wife claims God sent them there to play for the Angels, can you say coo-coo coo-coo)  A scarlett letter for him to bear for his unfaithfulness to the faithful Cardinal nation.  After his playing years, he will continue with the Angels in some manner.  Probably cutting ribbons at car dealerships and charging $500 for an autograph. 

You can read two related blogs here:

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Thunderous Silence

Thunderous Silence is what my last post received.   I thought I would do something different. Apparently nobody understood it.  Not only was it suppose to be funny but it was a satire.  Sorry you all didn't get it or even worse were offended by it.  So be it.   My brain keeps moving and I'm sure I'll create another misunderstood piece and I'll scratch my head and wonder why nobody gets it.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Exclusive Seamus Romney Interview

Here at In Shane's Brain, I am not just fluff and stuff.  I occasionally ask the hard hitting questions.  Today I am proud to present the exclusive Seamus Romney interview.  The following is unedited and uncut.  Reader discretion is advised.

ISB:  Seamus, welcome to my brain.
Seamus:  Nice to be here.
ISB:  Let's get right to it.  What kind of name is Mitt?
Seamus:  More original that naming an Irish Setter Seamus.
ISB:  Fair enough.  What is Mitt Romney ....Will you quit sniffin' my ass?
Seamus:  Sorry.  You kind of remind me of this bitch back in Gloucester. He-he
ISB:  Yeah, just keep it over there Sparky.  How old are you anyway?
Seamus: Like 210 in dog years.
ISB:  What is it like being a governor's dog?
Seamus: Freakin' T-bones every night.  Secret Service always hookin' me with poodles and cockers.  Ya know rock star shit.
ISB: What can you tell us about the infamous trip to Canada?
Seamus: Me and the fam went Canada.
ISB:  What about the seating arrangements during the trip?  Rumor has it that you were strapped to the woof... er I mean roof.
Seamus:  You're a real asshole.
ISB:  Yeah, so I've been told.  Were you strapped to the roof of Mitt Romney's car?
Seamus:  Well, technically the dog carrier was strapped to the roof but I was in the carrier.
ISB:  Did you enjoy your voyage?
Seamus:  Well, at first it was cool.  I had my own space, fresh air, and those bratty-ass kids were no where around me.  I mean it was much better arrangements than that dog from Vacation had.
ISB:  You say "at first".  When did trip turn bad?
Seamus:  When that jackass jumped on the freeway.  I'm not sure how fast he was going, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't legal.
ISB:  The latest reports say that you developed diarrhea during the ride.
Seamus:  Was that a question?
ISB:  Were you battling diarrhea?
Seamus:  Next question.
ISB:  The people demand an answer.
Seamus:  What do you want to hear?
ISB:  The truth.
Seamus: ehhhh. I was scared.
ISB:  I think you are stalling.
Seamus:   Alright!  I shit all over myself.  All over my cage.  I had shit everywhere.  I'm pretty sure I squirted though the holes of the kennel and on to the cars behind us.
ISB:  That's disgusting.
Seamus:  I know, people all over Mitt for putting me up there.
ISB:  No, I'm talking about messing yourself. 
ISB:  Seamus, dogs have been known to eat their feces.  Did you partake in this ritual during this particular ride.
Seamus:  You're really sick.
ISB  Yeah, I've been told that too.  What did I mean Mitt do to make this up to you?
Seamus:  Nothing!  As a matter of fact he shipped me off to a farm just to hush me up.

At this point Seamus broke down and left room. But not before pissing on three walls.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

State of My Island Address

ISB is closing in on 5000 views.  That's more than I ever thought I would get a little over a year ago when I started this blog.  Today marked another event for ISB...I have my first follower that I don't know personally.  Thanks to ChannonD for joining  My Brainiacs.  The 29 day challenge had turned out not to be so much of challenge afterall.  I have had plenty to write about.  I actually created a list of topics to use but I haven't even touched the list yet. (I noticed tonight that it is missing.  Guess I won't need it).  A big thanks to all of my followers.  I sometimes wonder why I don't have more.  It's okay.  I know that I am sometimes hard to follow.  I think I am misunderstood a lot.  That's okay too.  I like being mysterious. If you think you have me figured out, I say to you congrats but you're probably wrong.  My Island is growing and I love it.  You can read more about here:

Here's to the next 5000.

Saturday, February 18, 2012


It was a miserable day in the BR.  The torrential downpours of the day were on everyone's nerves but nobody more than the McDumb-ass I witnessed at McDonald's today.  As I was driving through the parking lot, I saw him carry his McDonald's bag back inside.  I thought "they must have screwed up his order."  When I got inside, my guess was confirmed.  When I walked inside he was already being loud with all of the staff.  Now it is 12:30 pm on a Saturday, most of the workers are kids.  Anyway McDumb-ass apparently only got a half of box of fries.  I have had the same issue with this particular establishment.  However, he had driven all the way home before checking his bag. (Joe Pesci anyone)  As he continues to explain his situation he starts calling the workers "dumb asses."  All I wanted was my number 6 with no pickle but this soon became the least of my concerns.  As he continues to mouth, the manager ask for his receipt.  "It is in my  ****** truck."  He starts to go get when two high school patrons say to him "You shouldn't treat people like that.  There's no call for that."  Well that set McDumb-ass off all 6'5" 300 lbs of him.  The kid was seventeen and the other I'm guessing was 16.  He starts in on them and threatens to slap them. Meanwhile, I'm getting my drink from the self serve station.  Nope, I am not having that.  When I turn around McDumb-ass is nose to nose with 17 year old, are you kidding me.  I'm thinking I don't want to have to fight this guy.  By this time, the workers have already called the police and they would be arriving soon. He continues to mouth wanting his money back or a new order of fries but the manager had had enough and gave him the number to the home office and said he wasn't getting either one of them.  McDumb-ass goes outside to call the home office.  I get my food and sit by the window, not too far from the high school kids, just to keep an eye on things.  I put my food down and go over to the high school kids.  I shake their hands and told how impressed I was by their standing up for the workers and for themselves.  I go back, sit down and start to eat.  Not too long after the high schoolers get up to go.  I watch them go to their car and figure everything was over.  I look down to check the time.  When I look out their car has stopped and McDumb-ass was right beside it.  Out of my seat I go and out the door.  As I head out I hear the one kid say "Well, I'm 17 years old."  McDumb-ass says "Well it ain't worth going to jail over."  Right after that the police arrive and I go back to finish my full order of fries.  An older couple ask if the kids left okay.  I answer, "Yes." The cop talks to the manager and then spends a lot of time with McDumb-ass.  The cop then comes inside and talks to the manager some more.  After finishing with her, he comes over to me.  I inform him the those kids were juveniles and he takes my name, address and birthday.  ALRIGHT, I'm a police witness!  The cop talks to whom I assume is the assistant manager and heads outside to talk with McDumb-ass.  I watch for awhile then finish my food.  McDumb-ass leaves with his bag in hand and that was that.  I was hoping the cop would take his dumb, bully ass to jail but he didn't.  I can understand being upset over his food, however if he had came in and just explained his situation they would have replaced his fries and he would have been on his way.  But NOOOOOOOOO. He had to prove how big and bad he was.  And in the end, he left with a half order of cold fries. What a DUMB ASS!  Last thing I wanted to do was throw down in Mickey D's but my days of being in youth ministry kicked in and I wasn't going to let them get hurt or bullied.  You could tell by the way he acted that he was used to getting his way with bulliness and he didn't know what to do when that didn't work.  Man, he was big.  Phewww!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Mardi Gras 2012

I get to blog about my second Louisiana Mardi Gras.  You can read about the first here.

This year it looks as though we are heading to New Orleans.  I was a bit hesitant.  There a certain aspect to the parades that I'm trying to avoid for my kids.  A 13 year old surrounded by tons of boobs may make a great story for him but as a father not yet please.  So I've ask around and I feel pretty comfortable about going.  So Sunday and Fat Tuesday we will be in Nola celebrating Mardi Gras. I have some friends posting on facebook that they will be there as well. I hope to catch up with them . And if you're reading this and you are going to be in somewhere in South Louisiana shoot me a message.  We would love to celebrate with you as well.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

I have my first deadline

March 16 is the day that my short story must be turned in.  I pretty excited about it.  The problem that I have is that it has to be a southern story.  So any prior stories are out.  I have to come up with an original, never before published, southern story.  I've only been down here 18 months, what do I know about the south? Crawfish, magnolia trees, and yes ma'am, that's about it.  And I have less than a month.  I actually learned of the date about 3 days ago.  I started one story but it going no where. So Iwas getting a bit worried today when I had nothing to write but I something clicked and I have begun a new story.  Wish me luck.  I will keep you all updated as to what happens.

P.S.  I will continue to post 29 for 29 to complete my challenge.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Why we study history

Quick- What was the second western hemisphere nation to declare its independent from European control?

Canada? - No
Mexico? - Nope
Give up?

The answer is Haiti.

Why is that  important?  I will get to that.

First, Haiti occupies the western third of the island Hispaniola.  That is the island where in 1492 Columbus ran aground and had to leave men behind, thus establishing a colony.(wikipedia)
Almost 300 years later, revolution broke out.  Slaves led by Toussaint L'Ouverture, a former slave himself, fought for independence.  Eventually, proclaiming its free on January 1, 1804.

Why is that important? 

The mighty United States, who had inspired the revolt, refuse to recognize Haiti as a nation.  Why?  two reasons :  1) because they were afraid that a Black Nation led by former slaves would cause slaves in the U.S. to revolt, and/or  2) even if there was no revolt slaves may try to escape to be free in the black nation, thus leaving plantation owners with no workers.

So Haiti was on its own for the most part.  Their history of coups demonstrates the instability from the struggles they have endured.  The U.S. along with other nations have intervened at times but this done more harm than good.  500 years ago there were no third world countries.   These were more or less created by greedy white Europeans and to some extent Americans.  The current state of Haiti can be attributed to America's lack of interest and trust in a free black nation.  When all along we should have been supporting our fellow, free from European control, brothers and sisters.  Just another sad part of our American history.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day part 2

Wow! This blog is now old enough to cover its second Valentine's Day.  The first you can read here:

This year I thought I had the perfect gift.  I had our wedding video transferred from VHS to DVD.  Only problem is that I received the email today saying it was being shipped today.  Good thing I had other things planned as well. I'm beginning to understand this holiday more as I get older.  Before it was get her what was expected, same ole boring stuff, then it was get her what she wants and maybe I get what I want.  Now I actually want her to like and enjoy what I get her.  I enjoy making her happy.  Imagine that.  "Joy" what a wonderful feeling.

P.S.  I did put back the card that was $7.50.  Some things about me I can't change.   I did buy another card but on the way out I told myself it is the last one I buy.   I write better than they do anyway.

Monday, February 13, 2012


Normally I don't care about what goes on in Twitter land. But this story caught my attention.  The two subjects in the case are Jason Whitlock, a black writer for Foxsports among others and Jeremy Lin, an American born Chinese basketball player, currently playing for the New York Knicks.

Now Lin's rise to stardom is a great story.  I recommend you google and read about him, even if your not a sports fan.  Anyway, Lin scored 38 points against the L.A. Lakers last Friday night. Afterwards in a tweet, Whitlock says, "Some lucky lady in NYC is gonna feel a couple inches of pain tonight."  Now, of course this is referring to the stereotype that Asians have small members.  Okay whatever. Jokes are jokes.

My real problem is that Whitlock is always first in line to cry Racism when it involves any controversy regarding black athletes. I have read many of his columns and some are valid and some are not.  My point is you can't cry Racism on some topics and turn around and and tweet stereotype garbage.  You lose total creditability.

In our world of speak first, then think, and then apologize, Whitlock offered this apology:
"I get Linsanity. I've cried watching Tiger Woods win a major golf championship. Jeremy Lin, for now, is the Tiger Woods of the NBA. I suspect Lin makes Asian Americans feel the way I feel when I watch Tiger play golf.
I should've realized that Friday night when I watched Lin torch the Lakers. For Asian Americans and a lot of sports fans, his nationally televised 38-point outburst was the equivalent of Tiger's first victory in The Masters. I got caught up in the excitement. I tweeted about what a great story Lin is and how he could rival Tim Tebow.
I then gave in to another part of my personality — my immature, sophomoric, comedic nature. It's been with me since birth, a gift from my mother and honed as a child listening to my godmother's Richard Pryor albums. I still want to be a standup comedian.
The couple-inches-of-pain tweet overshadowed my sincere celebration of Lin’s performance and the irony that the stereotype applies to pot-bellied, overweight male sports writers, too. As the Asian American Journalist Association pointed out, I debased a feel-good sports moment. For that, I’m truly sorry."

If he wants to be a comedian, he should quit the dick jokes.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Whitney Tribute

Whitney Houston was my first celebrity crush. "Crush" more like obsessed with. As a young boy, I thought she was it. I had her first album and played it over and over.  I had these two magazine pages that chronicled her modeling career taped to my wall.  I remember watching her guest role on Silver Spoons. Later I would get a life size poster of her for Christmas.  I had the second album as well but my music taste had began to change by then.  I saw The Bodyguard in the theater.  She shined in the movie even though she wasn't the best actress.  I never saw any of her other movies.  Her marriage to Bobby Brown I didn't mind but with all of their problems you'd think somebody would have step in to help.  Enablers only help to destroy those they sponge off of.  It is a shame that we have lost this beautiful lady with that magnificent voice.  I really thought she was on her way back to the top.  Thanks for the memories Whitney.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Gretchen's Nemesis Resurrects

The evil force is astounding.  It can find her no matter where she goes.  Yesterday, Gretchen's arch-nemesis found her and really did a number.  As you know from my 2nd post yesterday I wasn't feeling good.  The following picks up from that post and is from my viewpoint.

Ring Ring (that's the phone ringing)
Me: Hello
G: Hello
Me: What are doing?
G: I just got back to work.
Me:  They called here from you.
G:  I know they told me.  I need you to pick me up from work.
Me:  Why?
G:  I have a flat tire.  I was...... and when I turned around I ran over one those sewer grates.
M:  Again?

Back story- Gretchen pop a tire on a sewer grate behind the Appellate courthouse in Mount Vernon.  She also had a nail in a tire at St. Mary's. (One guess as to who changed those tires) She once was forced to drive over a concrete block, thus putting a hole in the gas tank.  And finally, after the Great Storm of 2006, she was driving down Broadway next to a truck full of tree limbs when a branch fell off of the truck, bounced up and dented the side of of the car. These are just a few of her mishaps, the rest have to do with backing up but that is for a different day. So when I got the call yesterday, I wasn't surprised.  Roadside hazards had got her again.

Me:  Where's the car?
G:  At a grocery store a few blocks from here.  You'll have to pick up Gracie.
Me:  Okay.  I will wait for the kids and we will go to Sam's.

Three kids in the car with one DS, one with ADHD and no meds and a 5 year old who has to pee.  Yeah, it was a fun trip. (Need some Valium over here)


We pull up to the car at 5:00 pm.  Not one but two tires are flat.  So much for plan A and now plan B.  Gretchen calls roadside assistance.   They will tow us for free only if they take us to a Ford dealer and it will be 6:30 pm before the get there.  Note:  The dealer will be closed.  Now we both have places to be on Saturday. One car is NOT an option.   Okay plan C.  Shane takes the tires off and goes to Sam's.  So I take the back passenger tire off and put the doughnut on.  Then I go to take the front passenger tire off and either the car gave or the jack gave but both were now bent.  I grab the other jack and get the tire off.  I threw them in the truck and drove to Sam's.  During this time that we were in the parking lot of the grocery store, people kept pulling into the spot beside where I was working.  Finally, I had Gretchen pull the other car over there to stop that nonsense.  Of everyone that was there only one guy asked if I needed help.

Okay.  We drive to Sam's. It looks closed. 
G:  Did they already move?
Me:  Move where?
G:  To Cortana.

We had already past Cortana about 5 minutes ago.  Back to Cortana we go.  I tried to go through the tire center door but it is locked.  I go back to the car because Gretchen has the membership card.  Everyone gets out the car to go in.  We stop and asked the guy if they can help us. 

Tire guy:  We stop taking orders at 6:00 pm.
G:  What time is it?
Me:  6:10.
Tire Center Door:  Open 10-7

It so happens that a manager walked out at the same time this was going on.
Manager lady: blah blah blah blah blah 6:00 pm blah blah blah....../
G: So you're not going to help us?
Manager person:  Ma'am I didn't s/
G:  We need to know so we can go somewhere else.
Manager lady:  We're go to try. blah blah We have 3 people ahead of you.  And what if 3 more people came then we would have to help them. Blah blah blah. 

I never saw the "3" people in front us.
The whole time that I was taking the tires off, I had to smell the Mexican food wafting over from across the street. I kept thinking that when I'm done, I was going to eat there.  I had to settle for Sam's Club Snack Bar pizza.   Mmm Mmm.  Cardboardy.

We get the tires.  Drive back and I put the new tires on the front of the car. Yes, I took a third tire off.  2 people ask if we need help this time.  Gretchen drives home and I follow her.  I once worked with a guy,whose tires fell off his car as I was talking to him on the phone.  "Something just happened," he said.  "Uh-uh.  One of my tires just passed me." Looking back that was pretty funny but it wasn't at the time.  Anyway, I wanted to make sure that didn't happen to her.  It didn't.  THE END?

Friday, February 10, 2012


Two blogs in one day.  It is special day here in my brain.  I'm in foul mood. My throat feels like I swallowed 100 razor blades and then got punched in the throat.  My head hurts.  It is cold and it is raining.  So be it.  I am not a good patient when I am sick.  I like to keep myself busy and illness interferes with that.
I have spent some time this morning reading other blogs.   Brett Minor has a very good one today.  Scan to right and to the bottom of this page a to find the link.  I like Brett's blog.  What he doesn't know (until now) is that I secretly compete with him.  Basically, I use his blog to motivate me to do better.  I am my worst critic.  There are days that I hate my blog.  Anyway, not going to Pity City today.  Back to today's reading.  I wonder how many blogs there are in this world. In flipping from blog to blog I noticed something. I know topics are scarce and it could be coincidental but let's not "borrow" from one another or at least quote the source.   It is only fair. Yesterday I was going to celebrate one year of ISB but due to work and my dinner of Schick and Gillette and the coinciding throat rip from Dalton (didn't catch that reference, google it) I didn't blog.  Thus, missing a celebration and failing my 29 day challenge.  With two today, I'm am back on tract.

The best thing that I read today was a story I started writing 2 1/2 years ago.  I was reading it because I wanted to shorten it.  Unfortunately, I like it too much the way it is. So, I am going to go foward on it without changing it.  Best thing was that it made me laugh and with today's predicament that's tough to do.

Living in the Lord of the Flies

When did parents lose control?  Everyday I am more amazed at what parents will do to please their kids.  Didn't it use to be the other way around?  From choosing where to eat, where to go, Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, Ipad 1, Ipad2, Iphone, Ipod, new cars, designer clothes all to keep their kids in the cool.  If the kids don't get the items they want, then they will stand there and argue with the parents about it.  I buy my kinds what I can but I don't over do it. This  country has  become so materialistic that we will camp out for days to get a new Iphone that does the same things as the last one just to say we have the newest one.  This materialism is passed on to our kids who think this is what life is about.  Our nations debt is way out of control, as is most families' debt.  Eventually we will be a bankrupt society and what will our materialistic devils do then?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Poetry Sample

Beat of My Heart 
Upon my heart, I place your hand
If only to make you understand
That because our love is so very true
Each beat is only for you

The Man and His Horn 
He takes his horn and places it to his lips
He’s played the notes thousands of times
He blows and blows but the music isn’t the same
Yes, his lips are puckered and his fingers are bent
But his breath is short and his bones are stiff
At times the music flows and is beautiful
Others it is choppy and unrecognizable
But he plays on
Not for fame or money
But for the music
And for himself

The Calendar
Each little box is like a still frame in my mind
Numbers change,as do the people and places
Some for the better some for the worse
Seven, thirty, or thirty-one an album filled
Some good are erased never to return
While some bad are written in permanent
The calendar , a yearbook of my life
A stack of eighty high
Torn, taped
And riddled with holes

The Calendar 2
Little X’s through the days
A countdown of sorts
Things to be done with time running out
The oak that was losing leaves
Is now showed covered in snow
And 2009 replaces 1973
Soon a new calendar will hang
But the X’s won’t stop

As I sit here waiting,
my mind begins to drift
I wonder about old friends,
and new friends to come
New thoughts are born
Life's choices questioned
Snapshots in my memory come into focus
Loneliness and happiness intersect
and sometimes run parallel
Tears fall from a smiling face
Then I'm interrupted
and have to start again

Flying High
I'm flying high
even with a clipped wing
Telling my troubles "goodbye"
with a new song to sing

To Be A Bird
A bird I wish I could become
A pretty one that could hum
I would search out those people I dread
Fly over them and shit on their head

Two Rocks
Two Rocks fell off a boat
One drowned because it couldn't float
The other lived long on the land
But really died that day in the sand

Blackened midnights gone
Darkened Clouds lifted
Blinding Fog Cleared
From this nightmare
I step into the sun

Another Day
Again the sun sets
another day gone and yet
in the morning it will rise
and bring with it a new surprise

Looking Up
From the Depths of Hell I pull
I can feel the cool
I stumble and slip
I grab and hold
Looking Up

With so far to go

Three Days of Heaven
We said our last good-byes as I boarded the bus
We married on Friday and the weekend spent with only us
I was on my way to a foreign land
With nothing but a green duffel bag in my hand
I spent nine months in Hell
Thinking only of those three days of heaven
When I received my notice and
Began counting days beginning with seven
But on day four I got shot
And on day three my body lay on my cot no longer hot
When I returned home, a baby would have been waiting
For which I could brag
Instead it is my wife who was is waiting
For my coffin draped with a flag

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

You Play to Win the Game

Congratulations to Ahmad Bradshaw for scoring the winning touchdown in this year's Superbowl.  I am, however, perplexed at the idea of the Patriots letting him score.   Oh, I understand what they say their logic was but to me it goes against everything you are taught in sports.  You play to win the game not let people score and take the lead.  Had Bradshaw hit the turf at the 1 yard line and the Giants attempted to kick the field goal, that doesn't mean they would have made it.  A fumbled snap, laces in, a blocked kick, or a Scott Norwood wide right are all possibilities. The New York Giants put points on the board and took the lead.  That is what they're supposed to do.  Then you are to put your defense on the field and let them do their job. 

New England had only score two touchdowns in the first 59 minutes of the game.  Logic says that they won't score another in less than a minute.  Yes, I watched the New Orleans and San Francisco game.  Here are my thoughts on that:  play better defense and stop changing the way you play.  Don't go to the prevent defense, do what you have done the entire game. That is what has put you in the position to win. Why change that?  That irritates me to the point of throwing objects at the TV screen.

You may think Belichick's call was the right one.  I never will.  To me, he gave the game away.  He let the other team a score the winning touchdown.  The outcome may have been the same had the Giants kicked a field goal but at least they wouldn't have given the game away.

P.S.  I find it hilarious that Eli has two rings and Peyton only has one.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Join in the Fun

It happened  a couple of days ago.  I helped inspire someone to start blogging.  Yea, me.  I now have helped convert two and I'm looking for more.  If you want to start a blog but you don't know where to start, send me a message and I will help you.  It's really not that hard.  Blogging has help me get this stuff out of my head.  Yes, others may judge you for what you write.  You'll just have to get over it.  I have had some blogs bomb but for the most part I get positive feedback.  The most important thing is that I enjoy it.  I get to be creative and talk about whatever I want.  Join in the Fun, create your blog how you want it and post what you want when you want.  There are really no rules. If you need help, let me know.

Please add

to your reading list.  You will be glad you did.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Did the Preacher Make You Angry? Good!

I've heard people say, "I didn't like that preacher."   There are numerous reasons why but I don't know if any of them are good reasons.  I think what it really boils down to is that you didn't like what the preacher had to say.  Maybe it  made you angry because you felt he was talking directly to you.  In most cases, he wasn't. The message was about doing things God's way and if you are not doing that then I could see where you might think it was directed at you.  The preacher is only trying to help you and others get back on the right path. 

I have to thank Pastor Randy Steele for helping me get back on the path.  As he was preaching, he quoted "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats to his folly." (Proverbs 26:11) This struck me more than anything because it was true.  Even when the right path was shown to me I continued to go the other way.  Then Randy's sermon opened my eyes.  It was up to me to stop the insanity and get back to the right path.  But until that moment, I had considered to stop going to church.   I felt the messages were criticizing me.  I know they weren't but I also know that I didn't want to hear what was being said.  Thank God that Gretchen, Randy and his wife Mandy didn't give up on me.   They really did save me.  My life is wonderful and as I said before, I am at peace.  It is a very good place to be

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Maturing at 38

Yesterday, I blogged about giving up soda. After blogging I got ready for work and packed my lunch.  I poured myself a 32 ounce cup of tea.  Now, Gracie was kind of dragging and I was in a hurry.  I took my lunch and drink out to the car and came back in to get her.  As she got into the car and climbed into her seat, her foot hit my cup of tea.  All of it ended up split between the driver's and passenger's side floor board.  I immediately threw my keys down, scooped up the keys and kind of stomped back on the house.  (I know not very mature but wait)  So as I grabbing some rags, it occurs to me that it wasn't her fault.  The cup didn't fit into the cup holder and she didn't mean to spill the only beverage I had to keep from being parched.  (what too much?)  Anyway, I walked out to the car with the rags and I hear "I'm sorry daddy." My response was "It wasn't your fault.  I never should have put that cup there. It's okay."  Now that ended it.  I wasn't concerned about the car or the drink anymore.  I admitted my mistake and moved on.  We should do that.  Stop the fibbing or telling little white lies.  Just admit your mistakes like "Yes, it was I who ate the last piece of chocolate cake.  Yes I know it probably should have been two pieces but I ate it and it was magnificent."  or maybe "Yes, I farted."  or even "Yes, I was very tired and didn't feel like cooking and I let the kids eat 4 bowls of Super Sugar Flakes."  Just tell the truth it is much easier.

Back to the car.  I realized that this is how I would my kids to react in these situations (minus the key throwing and stomping).  Own up to your mistakes, don't blame others and move on.  I just may be growing up after all.

P.S.  I drank water all day.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Buzz Kill

Losing an old friend is never easy.  I recently quit drinking soda. It's pretty much like losing an old friend because it's been there my entire life.  I was never a Coke or Pepsi person.  I liked both, along with RC, A&W, 7-UP, Dr. Pepper.  I even liked Like cola.  I have also drank my share of off brands such as Ticket, Sam's Choice, Big K, and Vess just to name a few.  In college, my roommate and I would buy this cheap soda.  I don't remember the name but it was 59 cents for a 2 liter.  We bought so much of it that after 2 months they raised the price to $0.79.  That ended that.  Anyway, the point is I like my soda.  A couple of years ago I switched to diet. I don't know if it helps or not because I'm fatter that ever.

I thought giving soda would be tough.  It hasn't been.  I just quit drinking it.  The only problem that I have had was finding something to replace it with.  There's coffee, tea and milk.  I started drinking coffee regularly about 6 months ago.  I have grown quite found of it.  Tea has always been one of my favorites; hot or cold. Milk?  Yeah, maybe with cookies or poptarts.   None of these have taken the place of soda. 1) because soda is so damn convenient.  Just pop the top and you're refreshed.  2) because soda taste so damn good.

Here's a couple of questions for you. Do you even taste soda while you're eating or is it just a habit?  Do you  know that most beers have fewer calories than sugared soda and Bud 55 has about a third of the calories
So even though I haven't found a replacement for soda yet, I have been doing fine without it. Here is a list that I have been drinking to take its place: coffee, tea, beer, kool-aid, water, orange juice and lemonade.  I don't know if these are any healthier but its nice not to be bound to the soda companies.  So, if you have any stock in those big soda companies, you may want to take this inside information and get out now before 1st quarter returns come in.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Causing a Scene

The other day, I sat down to eat at a local restaurant.  I was about halfway through my meal when a young couple was seated not to far away from me.  I really didn't pay them much attention, as I normaly keep to myself.  Not too long after that, a couple in their 60's was seated in our area.  They were about the same distance to the young couple as I was.  After I had finished my meal, I sat pondering lemon meringue or peanut butter pie, when I noticed the older lady was getting upset over something.  She was letting her husband have it and was pointing to the young couple.  I looked over at the young couple and saw that both had their cell phones out and seemed to be texting.  This went on for a couple of minutes but stopped when the young lady got up, I assume to powder her nose.  When she returned, the texting continued.  The older lady was just beside herself.  I continued to watch the situation even after I finished both pieces of pie. (hey, I couldn't decide.)  Finally, the older lady had had enough and she got up and went to the young couple's table and started in about how "improper it was for them to have their phones out"  and how "they should be enjoying each other's company" and "this younger generation" this and "this younger generation" that and on and on and on.  When she finished, the young couple just looked at her for what seemed like an eternity but was really probably only 10 seconds. The young man spoke up.  It was in a muffled dialect but I could understand him fine.  He said  "We are deaf. We text for privacy."  The older lady said nothing else and returned to her table.  I would have thought she would have said "I'm sorry" but didn't.  The older couple left not long after that but this story wasn't over.  As I came out of the bathroom before leaving, (hey, I had to drink coffee with my pies)  I saw the young couple trying to pay for their meal.  The waitress was explaining that the older couple had already paid for their entire meal including the tip.  I suppose that's sorry enough but it still would've have been nice to hear the words.  I guess everyone ended up with an amusing story they could tell and the young couple got a free meal, the older lady got to eat some crow and I got a dinner and a show and a stomach ache.  In the end, I wonder what the older man thought about the scene.  For some reason, I bet he enjoyed it.  I, also, wonder if the older lady will ever speak up again.  For some reason, I bet she won't.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The 28 now 29 Day Challenge

Welcome to my 29 day challenge.  A new blog everyday for February.  It's funny when I thought about doing this, I was going to do 28 days.  Then I it hit me that this is a leap year and that I would have to do 29 days.  I about ditched the whole idea over one extra day.  I don't know why one day would make a difference but welcome to my brain.  Also, ISB will be celebrating its one year anniversary this month.  I can't believe I started this a year ago.

You have probably noticed a the new design.  I wanted to make ISB a little brighter.  I, also, got rid of the top ten list.  For one, I was tired of looking at it and two it was my most read but not all were my favorites.
As I do this challenge, I am asking that you share my blog with your friends.  Yes, I am trying to drive more traffic to my blog but I am also attempting to get more followers.  (I have my reasons.)

For new readers, welcome to my blog.  Take a look around and enjoy.  I am posting my favorite post from my blog below as an introduction to In Shane's Brain.  Thanks for visiting.

Happy Birthday Grandma -2/26/2011

Yeah, I Caught Some Beads-3/7/2011

More Than Just a Hat -3/29/2011

Yeah, I Am A Little Pissed Off -5/4/2011

The Night the Love Affair Died -5/11/2011

Watching My Wife-6/15/2011

The Grave Little Toaster- 6/19/2011

Pushing My Boulder-6/12/2011

Andy and the Holiday Dinner-12/20/2011

The Present Left Under the Tree-12/31/2011